Cupid Has Something to Learn

* Cupid Has Something to Learn
by Marnia Robinson & Gary Wilson

* Bonus Article
by Mike Brescia


Publisher's Note:

As many of my readers know, relationships are important to me. Evidenced by my continuous recommendation of Marnia Robinson's Peace Between the Sheets (another article from Marnia is in this issue).

Well, with Valentine's Day approaching, I've arranged for you to participate in a fantastic teleconference seminar with internationally known relationship experts Gay and Kathlyn Hendricks--at no charge whatsoever.

Because Gay and Kathlyn's new book, Lasting Love (Rodale Publishers) , is hitting the bookstores this month, I've convinced Gay to do a free tele-seminar for all my newsletter subscribers about the new information they've discovered about how to create close, loving relationships that really work. (Yes, it is possible.)

You'll get first crack at hearing this new material before they appear on all the major talk shows in the coming months. And, of course, in this seminar, they'll go into much more detail than they ever could on any talk show.

Who should participate in this free tele-seminar?

Two kinds of people will greatly benefit:

Those who want to make their current relationship into a GREAT relationship...

...and those who aren't in a relationship right now--or even those who may have "given up" on relationships--but really would like to find Mr. or Ms. Right and create a relationship that really does have all the love, intimacy, and companionship you've always wanted.

As a way of thanking you for being part of my newsletter "family," I've arranged for you to participate in this special, private seminar at no charge, and I know you'll benefit.

This is NOT the same old "Men are from Mars" stuff. This is practical, cutting edge information that the Hendricks have successfully taught to thousands of singles and couples who wanted to stop the merry-go-round of conflict, fighting, and lack of closeness, and create relationships the way you really want them to be.

Gay and Kathlyn Hendricks have appeared on Oprah twice, they've been on Good Morning America, Larry King, and many other television and radio programs, and they've published many best-selling books, including the classic, Conscious Loving.

Gay and Kathlyn are super teachers, and in this seminar they will explain some key concepts that really will make a huge difference in your current relationship (even if you're the only one in the relationship who uses them).

If you're not in a relationship right now, they'll make a big difference in your ability to finally find a partner (one who isn't just another repetition of your past relationship adventures) and create a relationship that really works.

As you probably know by now, I'm not interested in fluff. What I teach in my newsletter, is real rubber-meets-the-road practical information that really works.

Gay and Kathlyn teach in the same way I do--their stuff isn't just a lot of "feel-good" material, but rather real-life, kitchen-tested principles and techniques that really will make a difference in your life. And, the way they teach is a lot of fun, too, so I know you'll enjoy yourself.

Again, this seminar is 100% "no charge" to you, so there's no reason to not participate if you're even remotely interested in creating a close, loving relationship.

The seminar will be at 6 PM, Pacific time, Wednesday, January 28, 2004. That's 9 PM Eastern Time, 8 PM Central, 7 PM Mountain. It will probably last about an hour.

Here's how to participate:

1. Go to 2. Type in your name and email address.

3. Click "submit."

You'll then receive the telephone number to call, along with the passcode to key in once you're connected to the call, by email.

Then, all you have to do is call in about 2 minutes before 6 PM Pacific time on Wednesday, January 28, and enjoy listening to two of the world's top relationship experts in a private, no-cost seminar I've arrange for them to teach, especially for you.

The phone bridge they're using does limit the number of people who can participate, so please register right away to avoid missing this free relationship seminar.

Regards,

Joseph

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Now, for activation of your higher relationship pursuits, here's an article Marnia agreed to let me share with you. I know you'll enjoy this...

Cupid Has Something to Learn

Have you ever had a wonderful romance go sour soon after a passionate beginning? Have you noticed that marriages often end very rapidly—now that church and state can no longer keep us glued together “until death do us part?” Perhaps you know of a union that’s depressingly stagnant. Despite a persistent longing to stay in love with one partner, we rarely do. Why not? Because we’re biologically programmed to do otherwise.

It’s time to put the blame where it belongs…on Cupid. The “hot” neurochemicals on his dart drive us toward impulsive fertilization behavior, with nasty repercussions. In January, 2004 the BBC aired a special called “Love Is the Drug,” which revealed that being in love is physically similar to the buzz of taking drugs—and also produces withdrawal symptoms. Dopamine, which is the neurochemical released by the brain when it is aroused (and also the culprit behind all addictions), has effects on the body and mind similar to cocaine or speed.

Cupid keeps us so focused on the intense thrills of this over-stimulation that we don’t see its hidden costs until it’s too late. Yet, sooner or later, the body begins to protect itself from the over-stimulation associated with those thrills. Dopamine levels drop, and other neurochemicals act as a satiation mechanism. These changes put a damper on our desire for union—at least with each other (though not with new potential mates—thanks to Cupid).

These shifts happen at a subconscious level, so we never suspect the real cause of our changing feelings. Meanwhile, our ache to feel good again can make us unbearably insistent that others meet our temporarily exaggerated needs—whether we are demanding more intimate contact or someone to clean out the garage. We may also attempt to raise our sagging spirits by shopping compulsively or watching sports non-stop. Or we may simply withdraw emotionally, or even suffer severe depression.

Neediness and defensiveness effectively stop the production of the neurochemical that gives us the urge to bond with each other (more on that in a moment). So, we withhold much-needed affection, reach for a beer and the remote, take remarks the wrong way, grow less generous, see each other’s faults in an exaggerated manner, nag or whine, and—too often—find each other less attractive.

In short, Cupid’s strategy can lead to emotional distance between partners, despite a powerful initial attraction. In its most radical form it may produce a “one night stand.” But in long-term relationships it can foster infidelity or a sexless marriage. Indeed, without realizing why, many couples avoid sex because of the subsequent fallout from those sizzling passion arrows. That strategy, however, causes them to miss out on the many emotional and health benefits of intimacy.

Is there a way to teach that chubby cherub with the poisoned darts a lesson? Yes. It’s been around thousands of years. Like the ancient Chinese Taoists, you can learn another approach to intimacy by retraining, and then keeping your “hot” neurochemicals at moderate levels during your encounters. That way you avoid the intense highs and lows that so often lead to disharmony or distance between spouses. This new (or rather, very old) approach is not hard, but it is different—and surprisingly enjoyable. By choosing not to kill your desire, you and your partner both stay interested in closeness.

Best of all, this approach to intimacy increases the flow of a neurochemical called the “cuddle hormone” (oxytocin). The result? A strong, consistent monogamous attraction that deepens the bonds between spouses. As one man who tried it said, “my wife looks better to me than she has in years.” Increased “cuddle hormone” naturally counters your innate addictive drive for hot thrills, too, making it easier to stay with the new approach. Medical research also shows that the “cuddle hormone” reduces stress and depression, and helps heal addiction by reducing cravings. In short, there are many benefits to re-educating Cupid.

This technique is simple to learn if you take a very gradual approach, but it takes a few weeks to master. The transition is fun, and guaranteed to bring the sparkles back into your union. Who says old cherubs can’t learn new tricks?

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The authors are married and live in Ashland, OR. Marnia is the author of Peace Between the Sheets ($15.95 Frog, Ltd., 2004). Gary teaches human sciences. Hear them on "GOOD HEAVENS" internet radio (www.wsradio.com), and visit their website, www.reuniting.info.

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Bonus Article

A story about Heart of a different kind related by our friend Mike Brescia of Think Right Now Intl.

What do you want more than anything?

Do you really want it?

You'll know if you do by what you're willing to do to get it.

Yeah. That's the truest test.

Andrew Carnegie once said, "As I grow older, I pay less attention to what people say. I just watch what they do."

Wise...

I just watched the movie, 'Rocky' tonight... again.

It always helps me to invigorate my spirit.

If you need serious invigoration, follow me...

I think I can make the emotions you'll feel in the next few minutes ones you'll want to revisit many times.

Here's the scene:

Rocky's a "collector" - a leg breaker for a local loan shark. He's also a club fighter with a horrendous 44-20 record.

He's not too bright. He lives in the slums. And he's going absolutely nowhere in life.

But in a bizarre twist of fate, the heavyweight title fight between the world champion, Apollo Creed, and a top challenger gets cancelled because the other fighter gets injured.

Creed, by the way, is a Muhammad Ali-like character in every way... a great fighter and a colorful character.

Not wanting to lose all the time and money he's invested in this fight, Creed decides to give the world a real exhibition... a chance at the heavyweight title for some unknown local Philadelphia fighter.

It's a stroke of promotional genius for the already very popular champion.

In assessing the local talent, he chooses to fight Rocky Balboa, The Italian Stallion, "one of Christopher Columbus' direct descendants" on New Year's Day.

When the fight's promoter brings Rocky in to ask him to fight, here's the conversation:

"Would you be interested in fighting Apollo Creed for the world heavyweight championship?"

Stunned, thinking he was going to be asked to be a sparring partner for Creed, Rocky stared blankly ahead. A weak "No" was all he could muster. He knew it would be a total mismatch.

"Rocky, do you believe America's the land of opportunity?"

"Yeah."

"Apollo Creed does. And he's going to prove it to the whole world by giving an unknown a shot at the title. And that unknown is you. He picked you, Rocky! Rocky, it's the chance of a lifetime. You can't pass it by."

In a fog of conflicting emotions, he agrees to the fight.

Soon after, in an emotional scene, Rocky agrees to let Mickey, the 76 year-old owner of the local gym where Rocky has half-heartedly trained for the last 6 years, be his manager...

Mick sees this as his shot, too. So he works Rocky like mad instilling in him fire and self-belief that's never been there before.

During one training session, Mickey yells at Rocky as he's sparring, "You're going to eat lightning and you're gonna crap thunder! You're going to be a very dangerous person!"

And all the while, Apollo is working harder to promote the fight than to train for it. He has no idea that he's going to be going into the ring with someone whose heart is as big as his body.

Helping, too, to shape that big heart is his new girlfriend, Adrian, with whom he's falling in love.

He trains like a man possessed.

He captures the world's imagination with his unique training methods.

Even though he stands little chance of winning, this is his one shot...

And even though his boxing skills are limited, he's totally focused on his objective.

But on the night before the fight, he confesses to Adrian that he believes he can't win, that he's not in Creed's league.

Then he says...

In the first round, Rocky does the unthinkable...

Connecting with a hard shot to the head, he knocks Creed to the canvas... the first time in his 47-fight career he's ever been off his feet.

Of course, Apollo takes control of the fight. But he's in the ring with an angry lion who won't quit.

Both fighters go for 15 rounds, each pushed to the limit - neither wanting to give up.

When the final bell rang, Rocky was still standing... just barely.

He'd done it!

He took his shot and he made the most of it.

He went the distance with the greatest boxer in the world...

...for the 60th time.

Huh?

Yeah, I watch that movie a bunch of times every year.

It always inspires me to go one more mile - to believe in me.

It opens my mind - I get filled with great ideas after watching it.

It reminds me that I'm just like Rocky.

We're all like Rocky in so many ways.

No one is guaranteed of ever attaining success and happiness or of keeping it.

Not one of us knows what will happen tomorrow, what challenges we'll face, what opportunities will present themselves, what is on the other side of Door #2.

We all have tremendous stressors beating us down.

We all have doubts.

We all have limited skills in most areas.

But all of us, and that includes you, have a heart.

You have a mind. And you can make your mind up to let go of the small stuff and to go after things that really matter. You can choose to make yourself worth more than you have up until now.

And I'm not talking about money. Value has many definitions.

What value have you placed on yourself?

When school is cancelled, do you spend the day watching TV? Getting stoned? When you're waiting in some line, are you rehearsing negative outcomes? When you're driving, are you worrying about things you have no control over? Do you lay around for an hour or more a day and complain you have no time to exercise?

Rocky had 5 weeks notice for his once in a lifetime opportunity.

Imagine that you have a great opportunity in some area of your life.

Are you preparing now- determined to win, or mourning your defeats?

Do you even see your opportunities as they whiz by you at the speed of thought?

Are you sacrificing anything at all to become more... to have more... to weigh less... to be healthier?

Then maybe the first thing you ought to do is reach for the DVD, the VHS or hit the local video rental store and watch this movie.

Because one thing is for sure...

You CAN get to where you want to go from where you are.

You've already got the heart.

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What if you had the same minute-by-minute thoughts as the super successful? Mike Brescia has developed the ultimate mental conditioning programs that can help anyone wipe out intense fears and enjoy huge successes in all areas of life.

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I love you all!!!

Mike Brescia